Life as we know it

The temperature is dropping again tonight. It is 31 degrees and the cloud cover has come back over us. The flag is waving so the wind is still blowing. Burr, it feels colder than 31 degrees.

A fire is burning in the wood stove and we just made a few cookies for an after dinner snack.

The snow outside is getting a slight crust over the top now after the sun came out and started warming it up earlier today. We are forecasted to get freezing rain tonight. I hope the forecast is wrong but it has already started falling at dad’s house.

It is sure good to be home.

Work perspectives

It has been interesting to hear comments over the years as summer students come to work filling in for vacations. To have a person who is used to studding and collage life come in to work with us and get a feel for what our lives are like in what seems like a never changing, year after year job is very interesting. In fact, something is always changing but that is another story.

Some comments they have come up with and stuck with me are;

Why do you work so much? Don’t you like to be home?

Do you have nothing better to do on a Friday night than work your day off?

Sometimes it is perspective. We work to get to a goal. Some goals take a lot of time and energy to fulfill. Some goals are made by miscommunication.

I remember working every chance I could get, sometimes a 24 hour shift on the weekend, only to find there was no getting ahead because while I was away at work, I was building a bigger wall between the one who at the time was my wife and myself.

I thought if I only worked more I could make things work at home. How wrong I was. After finding my self alone and not wanting to even know there was a world out there I began working more to fill the gap. The pain of feeling like I failed and the newly acquired debt I acquired along with anger I used to keep myself going plunged me into what I think would be called a workaholic for a time. I can best describe what my definition is by sharing my thought process at the time.

We had a project going on that needed to be manned and few people wanted to endure the heat and physical exertion it took to do the work.

At the time I am referring to, my thought process was not to figure how much time I needed to sleep and get back to work but how much it would cost me to sleep. Looking at what seemed to be a dismal financial situation, I could not afford to sleep any more than necessary. Often that was not enough. My recovery began after reaching my goal of once again breaking even. It took a full year of being lost inside but I had an awakening that showed me I had to make a change. I had been working about six feet off the floor standing on a pipe replacing a flange gasket. I dropped my socket off the ratchet I was using and stepped back to pick it up. I landed on my feet between two large stem valves with a knot on my forehead and an ear that felt like it was a growing water balloon. For those who do not know what a stem valve is, it has a long threaded end that sticks out of the slide that is used to stop the flow inside a pipe. Had I landed on it, well, I won't speculate but it would not have been a pleasant sight. That was my wakeup call.

That took place almost twenty years ago. The memory of those days still helps me keep in check though. I still work my share of over time but hopefully with a lot more communication at home.

Why would someone write this in a blog? My hope is that some young couple may have a better idea of what can go on with the pressure of trying to get ahead. Some people enjoy life and roll with the ups and downs. I envy those people some times.

I don’t know just what I would do differently given a chance. At the time everything seemed to be the right thing to do. So what can writing this do to help? If a person were in a good marriage to begin with but had communication problems with what goals are important to obtain I think it could help to know what a guy can feel. (The thought process I had I find others have also.) To work so hard to try and do the right thing only to find there was not enough honest communication to bring two lives together is just wrong.

So at some point, the student’s observation of “Don’t you want to be home?” was correct. There was a structure but no home.

I hope I can help another avoid the same fate or at least see it coming and understand it.

Communicate with honesty. How do you feel? Does your spouse know how you feel? It is in your hands.

Getting used to being in my 50’s.

I am getting used to an age when you can see our children grown in their own lives.

Seeing your grandchildren grow into their own personalities.

An age at least for me, which starts to show the aches and pains of the life that has been lead so far.

I feel the slowing down physically but mentally I still want to get as much done as I was once able to. That just does not happen though.

I sometimes wonder if I could change something I had done in my life what would it be. But after looking at the ramifications of what the change would have affected I find little off hand that I would wish I could have done differently.

I’m sure everyone including myself has things they have said and done that would be nice to undo that would not change the end result. But then again, small things we do and say can change and start chain reactions that we have no idea that are going on.

I guess where this is going is that at this age I see that it is best to be happy with what you have become even if not happy with all that has been done.

It is the result of choices one makes and everyone around you has made before, during and after that makes life as diverse as it is.

When I met my wife we discussed how wonderful it could have been to have met each other first instead of being in marriages that did not work out. It did not take long to see that such a wish would mean we would not have the children we have. Also, without the shaping we had gone through, would we be as compatible as we now are?

To know the reason we are who we are is to know the things we have gone through to shape our likes and dislikes.

I know the time I spent doing what I have done changed my life drastically at times but nothing shook me to the core as much as going through a divorce. That event put into motion changes that I did not understand at the time and maybe still don’t fully. I guess they don’t matter as much as they seemed to once. The end result is what one must come to terms with and be able to accept.

Such a strange thing life has to offer those who choose to participate.

We adopted Kesha a few years ago when her dad could no longer keep up with her needs. Her dad, James, loved her so much I had a hard time figuring out how he could let her go. He would come visit her and take her snow boarding after we adopted her and she was always glad to see him. Then James passed away suddenly.

Kesha has joined our pack family so well it is like she grew up with us. This little girl comes in when the sun comes up and whispers in my ear a little husky talk. If I can keep from laughing she will just lay down for a few minutes and then try again. Later if I am still sleeping she is apt to just jump on the bed and paw at me until I am wide awake. Those big paws don’t take long to wake me up. She is almost laughing when I open my eyes.

Kesha likes to sleep outside most of the time. She will often go to bed with me for a few minutes and then ask to go out for her watch the back yard time. One morning she woke me up with a pitiful cry. She had found a porcupine and had to get those quills in her nose. Off to the vet we went before work. When she came home still crying, I thought there must be another quill somewhere. She cried all night again so I got a pillow and slept on the floor with her. In the morning we went back to the vet and they looked all over and found nothing. My big alpha pup just hurt. She slowly got better and then once again she cried at the back door and she had done it again. This time she had just one quill in her front paw. One would have thought there were twenty quills in her feet by the way she was crying. She can sure be tender when she hurts. So far so good. Those were the only times she had quills to tend with.

She loves the husky games. When I am on the computer she will use her nose to lift my hand off the mouse and onto her head. She loves to come and visit in bed in the mornings. She will put her head on the pillow right next to me and stare into my eyes. What can she be thinking.

When I needed to buy a new truck I bought a crew cab. Now she has her back seat to lay down on or the window to look out of. She has been good about staying in the back. It's quite a change from my old Toyota where she had to sit on the seat next to me and could not fully lay down without putting her head on my lap. Then I could not shift so she had to always get up. It was just too small for her to be happy on long drives.  

I'll add her comic activities here as they develop. She can sure keep me in stitches. (not literally)